I find myself standing here with the only thought... "ok, what do I do now?" and I have nothing, no answer, no clue what to do next. Part of me is scared, and part of me is ok with it.
Let me catch yall up...
Last August, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was unexpected but it was caught early. She had to have two surgeries and had four rounds of chemo and is now doing wonderful! She is hoping her hair will come back in curly! Through the whole ordeal, my mom was a rock. She had the best attitude, which I feel, helped the outcome of the situation. Needless to say, I have been home just about every weekend and for a week with each surgery. It has been great getting to spend so much time with her over the past months. We just found out that my Nana has lung cancer, she has had surgery and is doing well. They are discussing the next step of what to do.
As I traveled so much from Jackson to the coast and realized that I am working in a completely miserable place, I began to ponder if I should stay there next year or if I should find something new. After much pondering and prayer, I know that leaving the school I am in is the right thing to do. So, I gave my resignation letter and have signed all the papers and as of June 2, 2011, I am jobless. But you know what? I know resigning was the right thing to do and I know everything will be ok.
I am a planner, I like having a plan. And I think I do. But through my life, I have found that my plans are not always Heavenly Father's plans for me. I wanted to be a doctor, but I know being a teacher is what I should be doing. I wanted to be married by 25 and here I am at 32 still single. I never wanted to go to BYU, but I ended up at BYUI and LOVED every minute of it. My plans never seem to go as I plan, but when I look back, the way they ended up is way better than my ending picture.
Now, since I started thinking about quitting, I have always said, if I have a reason to stay in Jackson, I would. Do I have a reason? I don't know yet. But here is my tentative plan: I am moving home for the summer. I don't know where I am going to work. I have applied for several jobs and went to the St. Tammany job fair, but nothing. I do know I will end up where Heavenly Father needs me to be. Why I ended up in Jackson, I don't know yet. I have made great friends. I love my ward. And since I have made the decision to quit my current job and move home, I have had a couple of dates with some really great guys. So, now I am completely drawing blanks about what to do. The only thing I do know and when I pray about it is, everything will be ok. Not the answer I want, I am more of a give me a flashing sign/do this kinda girl. I would love to have the inspiration of exactly where to apply or where to move or what to do, but that is not the answer I am getting. So, I am moving home for the summer and I will go from there and I know everything will work out.
So, thanks for listening to me ramble about this and I will let you know where I end up.
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5 comments:
Thanks for your honest post. I find it very enjoyable. Also, I'm so glad your mom is doing better! Isn't that no plan thing so exciting/scary? Mostly the control freak in me finds it scary. And then something just comes up and I think, "Okay. This piece is cool. Wanna let me in on more pieces of the plan?" But He knows it's probably better if I don't know cuz I will just try to control it. It's so tricky. Timing is such a funny thing. The only thing I've figured out is what it feels like when I know something's the right thing. I guess that's the most important part, right? :)
Also, you should think about teaching in Arizona. ;)
P.S. I wanna hear the guy gossip. :) Love you!
Oh, it's so hard to be unsure of where to go or what to do! I have always been like you, wanting an answer for everything, but I heard a talk by John Bytheway recently where he said his approach is to say "Lord, this is what I'm doing...stop me if I'm wrong." He won't let you go wrong, especially if you are asking! Good luck, and I'll be praying for you!
Oh Sara-
I can completely relate. My life has been a masterpiece of unpredictability- I am just glad I am not the artist. If you pray and feel you have made the right decision- you have! If you pray and feel that everything will work out well- it will! I know it is hard to wait it out but I know God has great things in store for you. He has not left you alone. And He will direct your paths for good. Hand in there friend, you are doing all the right things.
Love,
Laura
P.S. I didn't know about your mom and grandma. I am glad they are going better. I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers.
Wow so sad to hear about your mom & Nana!! I know the stress of those family situations! Please know you are in our thoughs & prayers :-( We love you and your mom & Nana!!
I am like Kim I think we need the guy gosip!! :-D
Love Ya!
Tracy
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